Jesus Sees Me.

One thing I hate greatly is someone having sympathy for me. There's nothing I hate more than being like an open wound bleeding out in front of someone. I hate the feeling of vulnerability. I hate feeling helpless and having to depend on another person. I'm going to be honest with you all and bleed out like an open wound. Since I got home from India, I have fallen into a sort of sadness/depression. I have been home for close to three weeks now. There is probably nothing I wouldn't do to be on the first flight back to India to be with all of those beautiful kids. I feel so helpless. I know God's plan for me right now is to finish high school and to do it to the best of my ability. That does not make my burden for India any less. I never thought even a year ago that God would break me this much for these people but now they are constantly on my mind. I feel like I am being pulled by the world and by the direction God is leading me. Even though I feel so ready to go back to India, I also have so many things going through my mind that I am going to miss out on if I don't stay in the U.S.

I am wrecked. I feel as though I can't handle life right now.

Do I really want to go live in India? Am I strong enough for that? The answer is no. In my flesh, I think there is NO way I want to give up my life in the U.S. But who am I? Who am I to question God's good and perfect will for my life? How can I question the God who rescued me out of my sin? How can I question the God who continues to pursue and love me every day? How can I question the one who saved my life? But I do question him. I question him every single day even after I have seen him move. I doubt his power. I doubt the endless power of Jesus Christ. Why? Why do I doubt him after everything I have seen and heard? God's mercy and grace has changed my life but I, a constant sinner with nothing to offer but filthy rags has the audacity to question a God of endless love who has pulled me out of my hopelessness and sacrificed his own son for the sake of me.

Jesus sees me. He sees me in my sadness. He sees me in my rebellion. Even through all of that he still chooses to pursue me. 

So now that I have bled out to all of you and am in a completely vulnerable state, I am asking you for your prayers. The enemy is at work overtime and I can not withstand on my own. Please join with me in prayer as I pursue God's will for my life. I am truly grateful for all of you and I thank God for you every day.  

~Rachel

3 Days.

In three days I will be on a flight to India. Oh my goodness, time does fly! I remember when this day felt ages away. God has done so much in me, preparing me for this trip it is so unreal! The amount of love, support, and encouragement I have received has been immaculate! I have seen God more than I ever have before and I haven't even left yet. I have so much excitement in what God is going to show me in India. Although I also have a few anxieties as it gets closer I know God will be watching over my team! He was the one who decided to send us after all! "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what it may bring." Proverbs 27:1

So mainly I wanted to check in with y'all before I head out on friday. I really appreciate your faithfulness in prayer! God is going to do great things in India and I am so honored to be a part of it. I am still standing in amazement in how God has chosen to send me! I am completely incapable but in Him, HE makes me capable. 2 Corinthians 3:6 "He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." It is such a beautiful thing. I know when I come home from this trip I will never be the same... God is about to shake up my world. But God is faithful, whether I am here in the U.S. or in a small village in India. I can not wait to tell you all about the incredible things that God is doing in India when I get home. Thank you for your prayers and support.

Goodbye pre-India self.

~Rachel

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?' Then I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" Isaiah 6:8

The Pain in Longing for Home

Where is God in times like these, when darkness and brutality surround even when righteousness is evident inside? Why has God abandoned His most upright and pure people? Why do trials come to the most righteous?  These questions are some of the most common among the world. Feeling alone and burdened, many search for this answer for a lifetime. Job searched for the answers to these questions. Being upright and pure, Job suffered many trials and tribulations. He begged God for answers. God’s unfathomable power could not be understood by Job, but Job continued to justify himself rather than God. God works in ways that can not be understood but He uses these heartbreaking situations to refocus the worlds eyes on himself and to allow His people to long for eternity with Christ. From losing everything he had, to mourning the losses of his beloved children, Job suffered many trials and tribulations, but God was sovereign and His plan remained perfect. Job was unjustly, cursed. God allowed Satan to harm Job and his family. This seemed unfair to bring such tragedy to such a respected and righteous man. Job, even through pain and suffering, continued to bless the name of God. God’s faithful servant remained upright and pure even when trouble was at his doorstep. Job’s faithfulness is shown in Job 1:20-22- “At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then, he fell to the ground in worship and said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Later in the book of Job, Job becomes angry with God and justifies himself rather than God as it says in Job 32:2. He begs God to tell him why he is suffering. This heavily burdened man asks God to quickly put him out of his misery. Job goes on condemning God and cursing his name such as in Job chapter 10.  Little did he know that God was refocusing Job’s eyes on God’s good and perfect plan.  God was restoring Job by showing him that the pain he was going through was in no comparison to the amount of joy that was coming. 

I have found the story of Job so comforting. Even in my darkest, most sinful hour, God is still working in me and guiding me. The book of Job has shown me that longing for home is very painful and it requires constant surrender to the Lord; but what joy it will be when I make it home to Heaven with Christ. The joy will never end. This is where my hope is. This is why I have chosen to pick up my cross and follow Jesus. Philippians 1:21- "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

"Take up your cross and follow me" -Jesus

My name is Rachel and I am sixteen years old and God has called me to India. I have the "American Dream" just like any other girl. I want to go to college. I want to have a family. The reality is that God has a different plan for me. I do not own myself. How selfish is it to set out to please myself instead of the God who created me and wants what is best for me? Recently, I have been learning that if I am going to trust God, I must trust him ALL of the way. I must go all the way for Him. I must leave everything that my selfish heart desires and pick up my cross and follow Jesus. Matthew 16:24-26 says, "Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?" This verse has really hit me hard this past year. I have been telling God that I want to go to college like the rest of my friends! I want to get married and have a family in my own timing. If that is what is best for my life, wouldn't God lead me in that direction? God has shown me what is best for my life right now is to go to India. I have no idea how this will all work out. That is why I need to trust God more than anything right now. To be honest this mission that God is sending me on is a little scary but God led me to the story in Matthew 8. There was a huge storm raging on and the disciples were afraid. But Jesus said to them in Matthew 8:26-27, "He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”. God has called us all to obey and have faith. This whole mission requires faith in God and constant prayer. This January I have been blessed to have the amazing opportunity to go to India for a short term mission trip. This will give me a small glimpse of what I will be doing in the future. I will be traveling to Orissa, India with a team from the Summit Church of North Raleigh. Seeing God's plan for my life unfold is so exciting and I would like to include you in it! You can continue to check my blog to see how God is leading and guiding me to India. You can also donate to my trip by going to www.globalhopeindia.org/donate . Select on “Designate this Donation”, check 2015 January 16-25 Orissa Medical Team, and then select the “Designate” button by my name/photo in order to support our trip. In addition, checks made payable to Global Hope India can be mailed to GHI - 400 Fayetteville St Ste E - Raleigh, NC 27601 with my name on a sticky note. GHI will send you a tax-deductible receipt. All gifts to GHI are tax-deductible and therefore non-refundable. All donations are used to support GHI and its charitable causes. Please know I am so thankful and honored that you would give your time, prayers, and donations. God is doing great things in India and I know He will continue!

 ~Rachel